Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
Let’s suppose that you are meeting someone online and that person seem to be the mach of your life, but is living far away from you. Does it worth to spend your time to a long distance relationship with this person? But, what if this person is realy your soulmate?
You may be surprised how much a relationship can grow if you work at it. If you know and aply some simple rules, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed.
Distance, combined with telephone calls and writing, electronically or through snail-mail, can foster an enviable intimacy which results from learning about another’s qualities, values, ways of thinking, sensitivities, dreams, and aspirations. This type of intimacy can make your coming together much more special.
As if relationships weren’t complicated enough, having them across a long distance is extremely challenging. Just read the following ruls and try to keep in mind and aply:
1.The quality of the relationship is more likely to increase if both people develop the ability to share feelings openly with each other. Do not feel afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from him or her, he or she deserves to know the truth and judge whether they can give it to you.
2. Make the relationship a high priority. Avoid canceling reunions or putting off a phone call.
3. Start to keep in touch daily. If large phone bills are a concern, send e-mail, letters, cards and even faxes. And when you do make contact, don’t just stick to love talk, but keep each other informed on the day-to-day aspects of your lives. This way you each stay aware of how the other is thinking, feeling and developing. Late-night talks and thoughtful letters can convey a lot of what is most important in the long-term: your goals, values and dreams.
4. Be prepared to be flexible. Tell your partner of how much you think about and love him or her will score high points, making them miss you more with the constant urge to see you. But don’t be posesive. Being paranoid and accusing will only grow doubts, insecurity and tension between you and none of those will help the relationship develope successfully.
If your partner truly wants to be with you, then they would not want to wait forever to have you next to her or him. As long as you both trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, your relationship can turn out into a happy normal relationship.
Ultimately, a normal relationship is the goal, doesn’t it.
To be in loved with a girl and start a relationship is a wonderful thing. Long term relationships are usually based on love, trust and honesty. Even if honesty is very important in a relationship, sometimes may be hurtful. There are some things that can’t be told to the partner because it may hurt her, or make her change the opinion about you. For example, some bad things you’ve done in the past, a truth about her that will make her feel bad if you tell her, and so on.
Even if you love her very much and you are getting pretty close, these things that can affect your relationship should be kept in secret. Sometimes you can best show her your love by keeping your mouth shout. So, before you start to be too confident and directly with her, you should take a look at these things that may destroy your relationship.
Never tell her she is getting fat
Even if this is true, you can’t tell her this. It will make her feel very bad, and will think that you don’t like her anymore. Think about how she would feel if you go there and say: ” honey, you could stand to lose a little weight ”. Let her decide when is the time to lose weight because she will do it without you hurting her. In most of the cases when a man told her girlfriend that she got fat, he gets dumped.
Don’t tell her how your mother would have done things
I know that for men their mothers always represent a model in life, but we have to admit that all the families are different. So, we have been raised by different kinds of parents and in different ways of life. Everyone is taught to do things in their ways and that’s why you can’t ask your girlfriend to do things or to live like your mother. A woman can have her views and opinions, and all you can do about this is to tell her stories about how you were raised and how things have been done in your family. You should adapt at this new way of life, without comparing her with your mom.
Don’t tell her that you like to visit your mom too often
Maybe in that moment you love your mother more that her, but you don’t have to show it. She may think that she is competing with your mom, or worst, that you are depending on mommy. It is not at all in your favor.
Don’t criticize her when she is trying to do her best
This is the worst thing you can do. If she sees that she is trying hard to do the things fine and you begin criticize her, she would feel disappointed that you don’t know to appreciate her for the fact that she is trying her best. So you should get over it, and offer you to help her in doing that job. Maybe next time she’ll be doing better.
Never tell her if your family doesn’t like her
Even if your family dislike her, it is better to not tell her because she will get angry and insecure. This will create future problems and tension between her and your family. All you can do is to let your family know that she is the one you have chosen and they have to respect your decision. Try to make them change their minds about her.
Don’t remind her about your ex in a special moment
Never ever compare your dating nights or things you do together with the ones you have done with your ex. It might happen to go with her in places where you have been with the other, but don’t remind her that. It is a hurtful thing for her to see that you are still thinking about the other.
Also, never compare her to your ex in bed. She will feel bad to find out that the other was better than she in bed. No woman likes to be compared to another, in any aspect.
Don’t recognize if you have done bad things in your past
If she doesn’t find out already, you better keep your mouth shout; it is in your favor. If you tell her that you have cheated your past girlfriends, for example, she will have a totally bad opinion about you, and also fell disappointed. So these things you shouldn’t divulge.
Never tell her that a football game is more important for you than her
Even if is an important game, don’t tell her to let you alone in that moment because you are busy and don’t have time for her. You better smile and pretend that you are listening to her too, and try to catch the key words. She might ask you what she was talking to you to test you.
Don’t tell her that you hate her friends
Because she knows her friends for a long time that she knows you, it is not a good idea to tell her that she doesn’t like her friends, or to say something bad about them. She may get angry about this, so you better pretend that you like them and everything is ok.
Don’t ask her to relax when she is very angry
When she is very upset, scared, or very angry the worst thing you can do is to ask her to relax. This will make her angrier because she will think that you don’t take her in serious. If you upset her by making some bad things, if you just say her to relax she will understand that you are denying that there is a reason to be upset.
Don’t tell her that you are insecure
In a relationship or dating woman is looking after a strong and confident man. So if you are insecure, or you are jealous on her because, for example, she has a better salary than yours, you have to keep this aspect just for yourself. She doesn’t have to know it if you want that things between you to go well.
Don’t declare your love during a fight
The words ‘‘I love you ‘‘mean a lot for a woman that’s why it should be said at the right moment. But most of guys say this during they have a fight with their partner, in the worst moment ever. When you are mistaking in front of her, and let’s say that you feel guilty, you want her to forgive you, so you declare your love for her. It is a wrong choice. She doesn’t believe a word in what you say because she considers that if you really loved her you wouldn’t upset her. You may say you love her but only after your fight is over.
Do not tell her that you like her girlfriend
Maybe one of her girlfriends is very beautiful and you would like to meet her first, but your actual partner shouldn’t find this. If you say her that her best friends looks very good, she will feel hurt, angry and will never trust you around her friends. So keep it secret and make sure to not be obvious from your attitude that you like staring at her girlfriend sometimes.
If you want to have a long and strong relationship you shouldn’t permit that some things you may say to destroy it. Don’t be completely honest about the things which should not be told.
Ask the Marriage Maven: Angered by an Affair
Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.
I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our problems and have a happy marriage? Right now, it seems impossible.
P. R.
A. First off, let me say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s hard to overcome the powerful feelings that linger after an affair. But if you think it’s impossible to have a happy relationship now, that’s exactly what it will be. However, if you throw away the attitude of the impossible and embrace the one of determination, having a happy marriage can happen.
You might be right. It is possible (maybe probable) that your husband did not fully understand what your marriage would entail before getting into it, but now you both have a responsibility, and that includes raising your child.
It seems like you’re making some good moves. Seeking help from books and the internet is a great idea. However, I would suggest that if you are not seeking professional counseling or coaching now–do it! Go with someone you trust to get you thought this difficult time. Even if you’re the only one doing it at first, it’s good to get started with a person who can give and objective approach and help you resolve some issues.
Ultimately, you and your husband will need to determine if renewing your commitment can work. Each of you will have to make a choice to consciously work at making your relationship better. Both of you will need to make your marriage a priority—even above taking care of your child(ren).
Despite what many people think, love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. I once heard a saying: “Marriage is like a pet snake, you better feed it every day or bad things will happen.” If your husband is willing to change, positive action towards making your marriage better will be evident. That said keep your eyes and heart open.
