Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category
“How do you know when you’ve met the right one?”
Almost everyone asks this question at some point in their lives; unfortunately, there are not too many who get a concrete answer. But if you’re reading this article, then you’re one of the lucky few.
Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse can be reduced to just four key characteristics. If you can find somebody with all four then it’s highly likely that you’ve found your life partner.
1) What is This Person’s Core Values?
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.
For example: Jerry’s core value is adventure. When Jerry starts to date Diana, he happens to be volunteering at the local Emergency Room. He goes there every night, holds people’s hands, calms them down. And Diana is thinking to herself that Jerry must have a heart of gold if this is how he’s spending his spare time. Now, Jerry might really have a heart of gold. But he’s volunteering because of his love for adventure. The ER is filled with action, it’s exciting. So right now, Jerry’s adventurousness happens to be expressing itself in a kind way. But that could change. Jerry might stop volunteering, and start trying other adventures that Diana may find unpleasant, dangerous, or even unethical.
However, if Jerry’s core value is a commitment to goodness and caring, then everything he does will rotate around that, including his marriage. And Diana will be a very lucky woman if she marries him.
So how do you get to know the true Jerry? Surprisingly, it’s not that difficult. No matter what a person’s core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If Jerry’s core value is adventure, then he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work because he followed a police chase. If Diana follows him carefully, she’ll see that he places adventure above other important things on his list of priorities. But if Jerry’s core value is goodness, then Diana will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind. If the waiter mixes up his order, he’ll say thank you and eat the dish anyway. He’ll let the other guy cross the intersection first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old lady home with her groceries. If Diana follows him carefully, then she’ll see him let go of some of his own desires in order to take care of other people.
So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate.
2) Does This Person Treat Others Well?
Number two is obvious: You want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well. How to figure it out? Simple. Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how they treat others whom they don’t necessarily care about because they’re not trying to charm them. Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at checkout counters? Do they curse out people who don’t deliver on time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses? Do they tend to drive aggressively, as if there’s no one else on the road?
Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers – because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line. Most people don’t guard themselves so carefully that they’ll hide how they treat others. So watch them, and you’ll know how they’re going to treat you after you’re married.
3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each other. This may seem obvious, but it’s not.
Sometimes you can see a couple in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight. And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: “Oh, I thought you meant that…That’s not what you meant? Oh, then we agree.”
Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone, if it’s happening constantly then it’s not a good sign because that may not change. If you’re constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while.
4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?
Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage. You cannot marry someone if you aren’t physically attracted to them. And while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to know him she finds him much more attractive than before.
A word of caution: Although physical attraction is essential, you can’t base a marriage on physicality. Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level. The rule is – make sure that physical attraction is there, but don’t get swept away by it. The other three characteristics are just as important, if not more so.
So there you have it. The next time you date someone, put what you’ve learned here into practice. It’ll save you a lot of time and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.
You have met an interesting woman online. You two had a great time chatting online and she decided to give you her phone number. Now you have to make her want to see you face to face, and the phone is your only tool.
The first telephone call is the most important one. Sure you have her number, but nothing has been won yet.
1. Before you call you should have prepared a list of several topics to talk about.
Hopefully your email exchange has provided you with some information to follow up on. Study her profile to think of other topics to talk about. Prepare open ended questions. Start talking about a subject, and give her a chance to speak as well.
2. DON’T: ask her questions about other guys she’s seeing, suspiciously interrogate her about how she spends her time, and angrily reprimand her
for flaking on you.
How she spends her time is her business.
A lot of men sabotage their chances with a woman by don’t giving her enough credit and respect.
You know there’s trouble if you’re doing all the talking and her replies are short or non-existent. If so it either means you haven’t hit on the right topic to talk about, or, more likely, she simply isn’t interested. Also, if she ends the
conversation early or “has to go”, leave it up to her to call you again, if she wants to. Usually, she won’t.
So, when talking to a woman on the phone DON’T worry about impressing her. Have fun. Enjoy the conversation. Amuse yourself.
3. At first phone conversation is better to stay away of complimenting her.
I think giving women compliments can be very powerful. But when you
give a woman compliments within the context of trying to win her over, you become a wuss.
Usually women are curious why the men they are talking to online decided to pick them instead of other thousandths of profiles. Most of them will ask you about these “reasons” and by doing this are giving you the opportunity to make her compliments. So, wait the moment. 
If the conversation flow easily, effortlessly, if you find her fairly responsive and you can keep up the conversation for at least a half hour you can ask her out. Her answer seam to be: “YES”.
You are dating a beautiful but a shy girl or one that is not a talkie. You have already talked about your hobbies, your families and your jobs and nothing else come into your mind and she is not really helping you (that’s what you believe). One of the best ways of having a good, healthy and wholesome chat with your girlfriend is to start with small talk. The small talk will give you a general picture about her likes and dislikes, as well as what she would like to discuss and what she would rather leave alone. Once the small talk gives you a general idea, you can go ahead and discuss your common likes and dislikes. But what is really freaking you are those moment of silence. Uhh… horrible moments.
The key to avoid or get over these horrible moments are:
1. Compliment her The fact is most people are shy about meeting new people. I used to be enormously shy. But when you think about it, shyness is merely a fear that others won’t like you, or that you may be rejected in some way. It’s natural for us to desire acceptance. So try to make her know that you like her by making a compliment. But find something that you really find attractive about her, about her lifestyle or her personality. She will become more confident and more open to share her believes and her shyness won’t be a problem for a fluid conversation.
2. Asking open questions How you ask questions is very important in establishing a basis for an effective communication. Effective questions open the door to knowledge and understanding. The art of questioning lies in knowing which questions to ask when. My favorites questions are “why” and “how” questions. You can use these frequently without being annoying. She will feel that you are interested in what she is telling you and will develop her answers. Therefore, you should think carefully before speaking and taking up subjects that might be repugnant to her.
3. Listen, listen, and listen. Usually when the woman starts talking about her favorite subjects (feelings, family, relationships, friends and her work) many men lose interest or bring the conversation back to themselves. This is one of the biggest mistake men are doing all the time. They also like to exchange jokes and anecdotes and spend a fair amount of time playing one-up and boasting. Stop doing that!!! Allow HER to have HER points of view, while you have yours. Men have felt like they have either had to abandon their own beliefs in order to try to get a woman, OR they had to fight with women about what they believe in. Both approaches lead to failure.
She is not there with you just to hear about your hero “qualities”, but to have a great time!
