Author Archive
Last week was an interesting one for me. I returned to L.A. after spending a week in Chicago, mulling over a couple of conversations I’d had with a client while I was there.
I asked him if I could share his story with you, not using his real name and details of course, as I felt there were some lessons here that would benefit my readers. He gave me his permission to do just that.
So, we’ll call him Jim for the sake of this story.
Now Jim is a very fortunate man. He’s fifty, fit and financially sound. He divorced eight years ago, has grown-up kids and a couple of young nephews he loves as if they were his own. He owns his own business which he’s built from the ground up, and which makes him a VERY good living. He plays golf, is passionate about cars, and takes vacations in Hawaii and the Caribbean. In short Jim lives the kind of life many of us would love to be living.
But of course something was missing. Love.
Jim needed to fill the space in his heart, so out and about he went to find a soul mate. He met women online and offline; through dating agencies and friends; through well meaning matchmakers and at professional gatherings; at the theater and even on a plane once. Jim dated some lovely women, but the problem was that none of them was PERFECT.
Jim by now was so set in his ways, that he didn’t know how to make room in his life for another ‘real person’–he had an image in his head, his dream woman, and none of the real, emotional, flawed HUMAN people he met, seemed to measure up to his 10 out of 10 vision of perfection.
And then he met her. Picture perfect, young, fresh, flawless. He fell hard, just like those avalanches I was talking about last week–completely, chaotically, loudly and MESSILY. Anyone caught in his path got swept away. She was the ONE. Jim moved heaven and earth to woo this delectable young lady, with the face as smooth and beautiful as a piece of fine porcelain. They started dating.
At first all went well. Jim swept her off her feet with lavish dinners, trips to the Spa, weekends away in Vegas, and even a surprise trip to Paris. He bought her gifts, jewelry and flowers every week.
At first she seemed to enjoy Jim’s company as much as he did hers. They would talk intensely, laugh at each others jokes, have fun and of course make crazy ‘passion.’ But before too long, within a matter of only a few weeks, Jim noticed some troubling signs. She’s was irritable with him, seemed distracted–bored even. She’s make excuses not to see him on certain nights, and when she did, wasn’t as affectionate as before.
And her demands got greater too. She was unimpressed with the one carat earrings, and under-whelmed with anything that wasn’t from Prada, Channel or some equally prestigious brand name…
Jim started trying harder. More expensive gifts, more exotic trips away, a credit card with a $25,000 limit, and even a sports car. He took more time away from his business, a day here and there, and then a week, or even two. He’d go in late in the mornings, but was struggling to put his heart back in it at all…all he could think about was her, and the creeping dread that he was about to lose his dream.
He started driving by her house those evenings he wasn’t with her, snooping through her pockets when he was. Jim got more desperate, she got more dismissive and disgusted with him, and the whole thing spiraled into a car wreck of a situation.
She left him of course. And Jim is still paying a heavy price. Not only did he spend tens of thousands of dollars trying to buy her affection, but he let his business go downhill too, and is now desperately trying to get back to where he was before he met her. It’s going to take a long time. Lots of customers are not generous with second chances as Jim is discovering. He let himself go as well, physically, emotionally and mentally. His confidence is battered too.
Jim found out things about himself that he really didn’t like: his poor judgement, his superficiality, his almost-adolescent grabbing for a girl half his age, his innate jealousy, his willingness to sacrifice his self-respect. He learnt how fragile the whole facade of his life had been, and how easily it could collapse. These are valuable lessons indeed, but I know Jim would rather never have had to learn them. Yup, Jim squandered money, friendships, peace of mind–even success–chasing vaporware.
Jim knows now that he was wrong-headed. He was thinking with his ego, and his libido, not his heart. That he mistook yearning, for loving. He tried to make something fit that was never going to, like shoes that are way too tight but you keep wearing regardless of blisters, pain and ugly rubbing, because you think if you persevere you’ll finally mould those darn shoes to fit you. Yup, Jim was trying to make the wrong shoes fit.
I wanted to share Jim’s story, as it’s one that as a Life Coach, I see way too often in different versions and flavors. As more and more folks get divorced a great many find themselves single and hopeful that they will get a chance to find love a second, or even third, time around. Some carry a ton of old emotional baggage, others arrive at this place, mature and confident (just like Jim), but nearly all of them arrive with unreasonable expectations. Too many end up trying to force-fit their ideals into a too-tight shoe.
I am a great believer in soul mates. I know that when you are with the right person, it may not be all sweetness and light, you might verbally tussle with each other now and again, you may disagree on lots of things, you may enjoy different past-times, and have different ambitions. You may like different foods, have different friends, spend a lot of time apart, disagree on politics, and vacations. But I also know that NONE of that matters as long as you share a deep mutual trust, respect, affection and connection; an easiness and an openness so that whenever you are together it feels just like coming home after a long, hard trip; a sense of ‘safeness’ born of knowing that your back is covered by your best friend; a shared, quiet delight in each other that’s hard to explain, but that seeps into your bloodstream, warms your heart and that you slip on like a favorite pair of snug, soft, comfortable slippers.
If you’re struggling to decide if you’re in the right relationship, just ask yourself one simple question: “Am I Trying To Make The Wrong Shoes Fit?”
Basically, a lot of men sign up for dating services made available over the internet. And naturally, they are in search of not only women who can get themselves hooked up in dating and courtship eventually but most of all, they do prefer those individuals who are currently and a hundred percent vacant to become their brides. That is what dating services are all about—finding the perfectly matched to-be couples. Now there are some things and considerations of course when you get yourself engaged in Romanian dating services. Like any other typical women, these Romanians ought to be respected. They don’t make themselves accessible online to be treated rudely. They have their distinct characteristics and one man has to unearth the secrets on how the Romanian women can be made theirs.
As is common with a relationship that is not only fulfilling and rewarding, being involved with a Romanian woman, only if you are with your perfect match, is likewise an experience that would surely bring you into the comfort zone of a relationship level that is the envy of all. Men often die to know the top secrets that would make Romanian women fall for them.
As an advice, be choosy when it comes to searching for a Romanian woman partner. Find the best. Look at the profiles of your choices carefully. You would not want anything else but the best partner for you to live with. The truth is, Romanian women hardly put their trust on other people. So this is the homework that you would have to work on. Why should you be spending your precious time in sticking with a woman who is not your match? Better yet, take a look at the pointers to keep in mind as you work out in making a Romanian woman fall for you.
Here are the top tricks to keep in mind when you aim towards attracting a Romanian woman from a dating service.
First, Romanian women prefer intelligent talks with their men. If you can inject humor most of the times and keep up with interesting topics for conversation, the better. Intelligent men are for them sexy and interesting. How would you do it? Act as someone who is a good listener. Talk about her work, her hobbies, interests, and be very keen with such details.
Second, they value the importance of your word. Don’t make promises which you may be unable to fulfill.
Third, send them SMS messages or write them notes that would definitely stir up their emotions. Use words that would surely melt their hearts. This would ensure that your relationship is attaining a firm foundation.
Fourth, spice up your talks by using humors, anecdotes, and the likes. Flirting is allowed too. Romanian women often remember those men who are able to paint a smile on their faces.
And finally, be real. Don’t pretend. Show them who you really are. Don’t complicate things by boiling up fictitious details about yourself. If you mean to keep them, be genuine.
Take note that these women also wish to find their Mr. Perfect from the Romanian dating services. Prove them that you are whom they are looking for. Be the partner who would make them feel loved and respected. Romanian women can be all too picky as well.
Phone dating services have taken the world by storm. With the invention of mobile phones, the popularity of these dating companies has vastly grown over a few years. If you search the web, you can see mobile phone companies that offer this type of service, not only in the US but also in other parts of the world like Europe, Australia and as far as Asia. While more people have relied on these services for their dating needs, some skeptics ask: do they really work?
These dating services are provided by mobile phone companies. A user is first made to register using a chat name. Then he makes his own profile. Your profile is then sent to a database which any registered member can access. By sending some keywords to a number, the mobile phone company sends you a list of names that fall within the criterion that you want. You can then send messages to these chat names, although you do not know their mobile numbers yet. After a few exchanges, you may want to give your mobile number and decide to meet in person. These dealings are now outside the scope of the services that the phone company provides.
Telephone dating services have come a long way since its introduction a decade ago. Back then, you’d see their ads on TV or the yellow pages, indicating the number to call. You will then call and leave a phone message. Others whom you may be interested with are going to listen to your message by dialing the same voice mailbox. If interested, he or she would also leave a message for you to retrieve. This is so much like an email correspondence, except that you get to hear the voice this time. After a couple of exchanges, you will then decide if you’re going to meet and actually date.
This has led to the development of video dating services, where video messages are made instead of ordinary phone messages. Through this, you are able to see the person instead of just hearing the voice.
Phone dating is actually different from phone sex companies. For the latter, you’d be asked to dial a certain 1-900 number, and female operators are on standby to give you a good time by engaging in some sexy conversation. Here, there is no actual dating involved.
Because of the popularity of these dating services, you can now start your own phone dating company by buying the software and some equipment at a low cost. But before you join any of these companies, know your options well. Look for companies which have been tried and proven to provide quality service.
Things may come and go, but phone dating services are sure to stay. It is a convenient and fast way to meet new people. But these services can only go as far as searching for somebody who might be fit for you. If you decide to move your relationship to the next level, then you have to work on it. Or it could be that you click really well in so far as phone conversations or texting, but not in real life. In other words, phone dating can be a great way to start. But if you want a lasting relationship with someone, you would have to meet and be with each other in the real world.
